Anonymous asked:

After my rape experience, I've turned into a masochist, and I'm wondering if there's a link between the two or not?

terreur-de-nuit:

spcsnaptags:

selfcareafterrape:

What exactly do you mean when you say you’ve turned into a masochist? Are you talking about deliberately hurting yourself, whether physically or psychologically? If that’s the case, then I want you to know first of all that it’s not uncommon at all for survivors to turn to self-harm as a way of coping post-trauma. That’s okay. But at the same time, you also need to realize that it’s not a healthy coping mechanism, and will only cause you more harm, especially in the long run. You need to remind yourself that you are deserving of love, not pain, and you don’t deserve to hurt yourself, no matter the reason.

Can you take a look at this post here on self-injury and see if you can put any of those distractions or alternatives into practice? It’s not going to be easy to wean yourself off self-harm and onto healthier alternatives, but it is worth it, and it is definitely possible. You may feel dependent on hurting yourself now, but that’s why you need to replace that with some other alternatives so that you can continue coping, but in a healthier and more sustainable manner. 

Please take care of yourself, okay? You deserve that. 

- Ru

I think this question may have been misinterpreted. If you’re a masochist, as in BDSM, welcome! Make yourself a Fetlife and find some friends, we’re usually really nice!

You may be a masochist because of your rape. You may just not have discovered kink until after your rape, so it seems like your rape caused it when it really didn’t. It’s impossible to say. What I can tell you is that there is no link between trauma and BDSM. Kinky people have the same average experiences of trauma as non-kinky people. The biggest difference, I’ve found, is that we’re willing to talk about it. I’m a trauma survivor myself (DV), and kinkland has been my favorite place to talk about it—people are understanding and kind, and no one’s made me feel like a freak for it.

You don’t say what kind of kinks you’re into, so I’m taking a bit of a shot in the dark here. I’ve met survivors who replayed their trauma through kink as a way to take back power and facilitate healing. If this is you, be extremely cautious. There’s nothing wrong with doing this, and I know some people who have found this incredibly healing, but it has the potential to backfire. At the very least, only do it with people you trust and people you know can end the scene quickly and take care of you.

On the other hand, if you’re just doing kink because it’s sexy, I officially give you permission not to worry about it. Go be awesome with your sexy self.

I really appreciate both responses to this question

Anonymous asked:

After my rape experience, I've turned into a masochist, and I'm wondering if there's a link between the two or not?

spcsnaptags:

selfcareafterrape:

What exactly do you mean when you say you’ve turned into a masochist? Are you talking about deliberately hurting yourself, whether physically or psychologically? If that’s the case, then I want you to know first of all that it’s not uncommon at all for survivors to turn to self-harm as a way of coping post-trauma. That’s okay. But at the same time, you also need to realize that it’s not a healthy coping mechanism, and will only cause you more harm, especially in the long run. You need to remind yourself that you are deserving of love, not pain, and you don’t deserve to hurt yourself, no matter the reason.

Can you take a look at this post here on self-injury and see if you can put any of those distractions or alternatives into practice? It’s not going to be easy to wean yourself off self-harm and onto healthier alternatives, but it is worth it, and it is definitely possible. You may feel dependent on hurting yourself now, but that’s why you need to replace that with some other alternatives so that you can continue coping, but in a healthier and more sustainable manner. 

Please take care of yourself, okay? You deserve that. 

- Ru

I think this question may have been misinterpreted. If you’re a masochist, as in BDSM, welcome! Make yourself a Fetlife and find some friends, we’re usually really nice!

You may be a masochist because of your rape. You may just not have discovered kink until after your rape, so it seems like your rape caused it when it really didn’t. It’s impossible to say. What I can tell you is that there is no link between trauma and BDSM. Kinky people have the same average experiences of trauma as non-kinky people. The biggest difference, I’ve found, is that we’re willing to talk about it. I’m a trauma survivor myself (DV), and kinkland has been my favorite place to talk about it—people are understanding and kind, and no one’s made me feel like a freak for it.

You don’t say what kind of kinks you’re into, so I’m taking a bit of a shot in the dark here. I’ve met survivors who replayed their trauma through kink as a way to take back power and facilitate healing. If this is you, be extremely cautious. There’s nothing wrong with doing this, and I know some people who have found this incredibly healing, but it has the potential to backfire. At the very least, only do it with people you trust and people you know can end the scene quickly and take care of you.

On the other hand, if you’re just doing kink because it’s sexy, I officially give you permission not to worry about it. Go be awesome with your sexy self.

I really appreciate both responses to this question

I’m reblogging this because… look at how straight that dick is.Like… usually theres some curve to it but no. That thing is as straight as a white boy at a college bar on a saturday night at MSU.

I’m reblogging this because… look at how straight that dick is.
Like… usually theres some curve to it but no. That thing is as straight as a white boy at a college bar on a saturday night at MSU.

(via yngvlcn)